It comes at 1:00…the kids sense it. I sense it.
My mind does this tricky thing where it suddenly craves a slice of toast, and a cup of coffee, rich with cream and delight. A book or an empty computer screen beckon me to fellowship on the front porch.
On summer days like this, I watch the leaves on the maples and the oaks gently swaying in the slight breeze. The pink clusters of cosmos stretching high for the sun. I listen to the singing of the birds and the quiet…
And it’s here, in the quiet, that my heart engages with my God.
Do you remember the story of Abraham and Sarah? When the Angel of the Lord came to their tent and said that the fulfilling of God’s promise was coming…that soon they would conceive and give birth to a baby boy.
Sarah laughed in her heart.
I laughed in my heart.
You see, I started out hopeful. All the promises of God in Jesus, Yes and Amen! Shout it!
This girl full of life, excitement, joy inexpressible.
And then the daily grind.
And then the loss…and more loss.
Failures, disappointments, betrayals, rejection.
The mess of the church.
This heart turned sad. Oh, I want to believe the promise, but it doesn’t seem possible.
What happened to the boldness, the fearlessness? What happened to the reckless abandon to Christ?
I started holding on.
When He took the knife and began to cut at the deep parts of my spirit, I shirked in pain. The cutting continued and the pain became so excruciating that it began to take my life…that’s when I decided I didn’t want to die. My last plea…do I really have to die?
I had counted the cost.
I had taken up my cross.
And now, with one last dying breath, I wanted to change my mind.
But it isn’t worth it. To try to keep my life, I will lose it (Luke 17:33).
Petros, the rock, turned to his Lord and said, “To whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life” (John 6:68).
On this patio, in communion with the Angel of the Lord, on a day when all seems calm…with heart surrendered, I repeat those famous words.
Time lays still. Cutting runs deep, aches penetrate, grief for a fallen brother…a fallen hero.
Oh, it is worth it…because those who lose their life will keep it!
Nap time coming to an end. One last bite of bread. Only a few drops left in the cup. I eat and drink it down. Once again, identified with Christ.
I’m linking up for the first time with Denise in Bloom.