I have had so much stirring in my heart, but I’ve been away. A little emotionally, a lot physically, and maybe even some spiritually. This year has been hectic! My husband worked out of town for most of January, which stretched into February, and pretty much went right up to my daughter’s due date. I’d like to say I handled this time well, but truthfully, I found myself exhausted, faithless, and struggling.
But then the big day came, the hour of labor and delivery, and our little Lydia Rose breathed her first in this world. In a blink, it was over.
And as I lay there just after her birth, a little traumatized by the quickness of three and a half hours with intense pain, I thought of how it almost felt surreal. Suddenly, the moment we’d been waiting for had passed, and it felt like a blink.
Oh, it didn’t feel that way in the midst of it all. It was excruciating. Troubling. I even cried the words, “I can’t do this!”
And there in the aftermath, new words rushed quick to my heart – “Why does God allow pain and suffering? Because it’s just a blink to Him, and the eternal reward is worth it.”
I know that explanation wouldn’t sit well with many. Not only is it simplified, it almost makes God sound cruel, without care or concern for the afflicted.
But it’s just the opposite. When I understand how much my God loves me, how much my hurting, hurts Him – how He bears all my burdens with me, even turning His back to the suffering of His own Son for the hope of having me – and how He always counts the suffering as worth it – then, I come to see it’s because He’s producing something so much greater in me. And with the eyes of faith I perceive what God sees as finished, glorified, complete.
Maybe that’s why I’ve been away these months – because I’ve allowed the temporary to trouble me. I’ve been overwhelmed by circumstances. My concerns blurring faith’s vision.
I needed to blink.
When I opened my eyes, I saw the beauty of a little girl. I nuzzled the skin and pressed my ear to the heart beat of a life made eternal. And I counted the suffering well worth it. Then, I beheld the faithfulness of a God who carried me.