In a Blink

Our New BabyI have had so much stirring in my heart, but I’ve been away. A little emotionally, a lot physically, and maybe even some spiritually. This year has been hectic! My husband worked out of town for most of January, which stretched into February, and pretty much went right up to my daughter’s due date. I’d like to say I handled this time well, but truthfully, I found myself exhausted, faithless, and struggling.

But then the big day came, the hour of labor and delivery, and our little Lydia Rose breathed her first in this world. In a blink, it was over.

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And as I lay there just after her birth, a little traumatized by the quickness of three and a half hours with intense pain, I thought of how it almost felt surreal. Suddenly, the moment we’d been waiting for had passed, and it felt like a blink.

Oh, it didn’t feel that way in the midst of it all. It was excruciating. Troubling. I even cried the words, “I can’t do this!”

And there in the aftermath, new words rushed quick to my heart – 
“Why does God allow pain and suffering? Because it’s just a blink to Him, and the eternal reward is worth it.”

I know that explanation wouldn’t sit well with many. Not only is it simplified, it almost makes God sound cruel, without care or concern for the afflicted.

But it’s just the opposite. When I understand how much my God loves me, how much my hurting, hurts Him – how He bears all my burdens with me, even turning His back to the suffering of His own Son for the hope of having me – and how He always counts the suffering as worth it – then, I come to see it’s because He’s producing something so much greater in me. And with the eyes of faith I perceive what God sees as finished, glorified, complete.

Maybe that’s why I’ve been away these months – because I’ve allowed the temporary to trouble me. I’ve been overwhelmed by circumstances. My concerns blurring faith’s vision.

I needed to blink.

When I opened my eyes, I saw the beauty of a little girl. I nuzzled the skin and pressed my ear to the heart beat of a life made eternal. And I counted the suffering well worth it. Then, I beheld the faithfulness of a God who carried me.

 

Comments

  1. Missy says:

    Oh Jacqui, she is beautiful. Precious children, all three. And these words minister to my own heart, right now. I’m trying, honestly, to work through the suffering that our God allows our own children to go through and rectify why my faith seems so frail in the face of it all. I pray God blesses this time with your newborn babe. (And, keep taking those photos – gorgeous!!!!)

    • Jacqui says:

      Thank you, Missy. I’ll be praying for you as you wrestle through this. And I hear you – I think I write so much about suffering, because I’m constantly wrestling through it. And thanks for the encouragement! Much love to you, friend.

  2. Barbie says:

    Jacqui, your Lydia is so beautiful. And these words, the root deeply in my own heart as I’ve been pondering why God allows pain and suffering. Thank you for sharing today.

  3. Becky Daye says:

    Beautiful. The pictures, your words, God’s work, your heart- just beautiful! So thankful for you, Jacqui. For a God who was and is and is to come, who is the Alpha and Omega, the Ancient of Days, He always sees time as a blink and I believe He beckons us to see it in the same way. I am again reminded of Romans 8:18~ “For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” Thank you for capturing this truth so beautifully!

    • Jacqui says:

      Becky, that’s the perfect verse. And what a beautiful line of praise you’ve written here of our God. Yes, to Him who was and is and is to come! Blessings, friend.

  4. Anna Fortner says:

    Wow, this made me cry (still bumbling in my last week before due date) because I’ve been feeling the same way for quite a while. Work has consumed me. I have not been feeding myself spiritually. “I’ve allowed the temporary to trouble me”. This past week without work has shown me just how distant I’ve been in general. It pains me. But I know my sweet baby boy will soon be in my arms; I will blink. With my eyes of faith, things will come together for me as they have been for you. Life’s struggles are well worth it, eternally. I’m glad He gives us this understanding and awareness through struggles and miracles here on earth.

    • Jacqui says:

      Anna, I’m so excited for the arrival of your baby boy! And I so relate to that last week of pregnancy. It is HARD…so uncomfortable and the hormones are crazy! But yes, it’s worth it. And I know that in eternity, the struggles here will be worth it, too. Praying for you – that we both have eyes to see eternity in the hard – that your labor and delivery goes smoothly, and you and hubby are blessed with a sweet, healthy baby boy. Much love to you, friend.

  5. Deede (Dianna Harris) says:

    Jacqui, you have always been a deep thinker and you feel and see life clear. I love reading you writings, messages and blogs. Since I met you you have stayed True, faithful and focused on your savior. You are a TRUE lover of GOD. You inspire me to stay connected to our father. Your family is blessed to have you as their teacher and mother. I love you girl and may the LORD continue to Bless your family. Keep up the great writing. Did you ever consider sending your stories to the christian magazine, I know you talked of seeing if you could write for them? Beautiful blog.

    • Jacqui says:

      Thanks, Dee. I’ve definitely thought about submitting articles, but I haven’t, yet. One of these days :) Thanks so much for the encouragement. It really means a lot coming from you. I love seeing your heart for the Lord on facebook and the amazing growth over the years. Love to you and Joel, too.

  6. Beautiful post and beautiful thought for this particular season of my life as we stay in my parents house while waiting for a house. Also, hello! goodness, what a beautiful bunch of kiddos, friend!! Baby Lydia is just gorgeous!!

    • Jacqui says:

      Amanda!! Thank you! An email is on its way to you, very soon!! It’s started, just needs finishing. Three kids is much harder than I imagined:) Love you, friend.

  7. Jacqui,
    Congrats on Lydia Rose’s safe delivery and because I know how much you have already suffered, I know you don’t make your observations cavalierly, but from a place of deep thought and living….what a gorgeous photo of your kids…praying God continues to sustain you and your family…((hugs))

  8. Leah says:

    Congrats Jacqui! I have been thinking of you…knew your time most be drawing near. I love that name. My third is named Lydia Jane! I have not braved my blog, or most of the blogworld in general for about 2 weeks. Yes, I get what you are saying here. The temporal does blind and blur. But God understands, He put us in this temporal world, He made this temporal world, and Christ lived in this temporal world with all that temporal flesh. With home schooling this year and an especially cold, cold, and very sick winter the temporal has been tearing my up, leaving me weary, and so when SPIRITUAL battles come, I just got nothing. But I can say with confidence that “I got nothing” is just where our Lord wants us sometimes, because then Christ, in His “I got everything” comes in. Blessing on you friend. I pray that deep rest and peace and joy will be yours as the newness of Spring blooms in nature and in your heart and in your family.
    Cheers,
    Leah

    • Jacqui says:

      Hey Leah! I don’t know how I missed that you have a Lydia! How neat is that! And thank you for thinking of me. I haven’t been around the blogging world either. Or online much for that matter…at least not until recently. Yes, I understand the tearing up from life. It’s so hard sometimes! But I like what you said about having nothing – how it’s right where God wants us. I find myself there a lot. You’d think it’d get easier to draw my strength from Him, but I’m so stubborn sometimes. Still learning. Anyway, it’s so good hearing from you. Much love.

  9. Lisa says:

    Congrats on the little one, and good to read your writing again. But take the time you need to enjoy your sweet little ones. You are right; they grow up in a BLINK. ;)

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