The whole month of December, I’ve known my one word for 2014. It just came to me – sat in my spirit, resonating. I prayed about it a lot, being a word I fear. One that can easily become a taskmaster, a burden. I know grace. I need grace.
Looking back, I see how God worked this into my heart even before Thanksgiving, when I sat in Bible Study and told my group that as odd as it sounds, for me right now, resting in the Lord means faithfulness with my daily tasks – like cleaning the kitchen – because I’ve been tired and it’s been hard.
Those ladies are hysterical. Gracious and loving. Our leader, who was filling in for the week laughed and said, “You’re pregnant! Don’t worry about the floors!”
I chuckled, saying, “Oh, I’m not worried about the floors! I just need to wash the dishes.”
Another lady suggested paper plates. To which I replied, “Yeah, I guess I need to go to Costco, because I can’t seem to keep them in the house.”
And our leader, again, laughing, said, “Well, when I was pregnant, I considered it a huge accomplishment to feed my kids in the morning.”
And that was the end of it for me and my friend sitting next to me. I looked at her, and knowing my thoughts, together we burst into laughter.
The week before, I forgot to feed my kids! I don’t know how I did it. I woke up early, ate some toast while finishing my Bible Study, and off we went. The kids never even said anything. It wasn’t till halfway to the church that I realized they hadn’t eaten. We swung through Starbucks and the two of them shared a ham breakfast sandwich in the hallway before their classes.
Yes, I think I need my one word: Diligent.
I know I’m going to fail and I know my personality…always holding higher expectations than what’s realistic. But I also know that I’ve been letting some things slide. A little more commitment might help me stay on top of all I have in my heart.
On the other hand, I’ve also been one to obsess over structure, breaking my twenty-four hours into thirty minute blocks, and scheduling my whole week – only to eventually loathe that calendar and view it as a constant reminder of my failure.
So I know there’s a balance…somewhere. Where I pick up and keep going, but don’t have to plan everything perfectly.
And on the night of my thirty-fifth birthday, I woke up, my mind stirring, my heart breaking over all I wished I’d done different. I wrote a short little stanza, something I never finished, but still calls out in my heart:
Your whole life long you will hear, “Do, do, do!”
But the battle cry of the Christian is: “Be, Be, Be!”
Because if you are being, then you will be doing the will of God.
And this is my goal – where freedom is found. The focus on being, not doing. The focus on faithfulness to God. Faithfulness in my character. Faithfulness in raising my children, in loving my husband. Naturally, the other things will fall into place.
So as I think upon my one word, this word diligent, I see how connected it is to just being – being in Jesus. Seeking Him daily. Honoring that which He lays on my heart.
I’ve still got goals. Plans I’ve laid out and asked the Lord to direct. And I know things will get switched up. Paths changed. But in the end, I hope to be found faithful this year. A little more diligent. A little more structured. Accomplishing more for the kingdom of God.
“See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil,” (Ephesians 5:15-16).